001: Neon Genesis

The Waves at Hollywood Beach, Oxnard, CA. Jan 22, 2023

On my fourth birthday, my dear friend gifted me a collection box of Shinseiki Evangerion, a Japanese robot anime series, which has latter evolved into namely one of the most popular industry icons. I could vividly remember the CD disks were carried in this very catching and fancy purple box. For a long time, I treated it as some sort of treasure with extra care and love. It was funny, cause later I have found the scope of the anime was too vast for a four-year-old to remotely comprehend. But I guess super robots are just enough to get these kids hooked up. I honestly would still keep this box till this day if I could, if it weren’t for my mom who accidentally threw it away while having to move us from my dad’s place.

Well. I have long forgiven my mom for her mistake. And since I was first introduced, I have watched too much Shinseiki Evangerion to a point that I cannot even try to count the number of times I have rewatched the entire series. “Neon Genesis” is just a cool and niched translation for Shin-Sei-Ki (新世纪), the beginning, the onset of something. It was the only thing I was thinking about, finding the title for my first post of this blog.

There is no logical explanation to why I picked this photo for this post. It caught my attention, by accident. It then rippled off. That is all.

Behind all this randomness, I do have a story for it. The photo was taken around sunset at Hollywood Beach, Oxnard, CA, right before my sweet girlfriend and I went to attend a speaking event by my personal favorite Jordan B. Peterson, whom has guided and inspired me across the entirely of my 20s. It was supposed to be a perfect date night. It was perfect indeed. Everything was pitch perfect, starting with the sunset and twilight view at Hollywood Beach. That thin crescent of golden light, shining from the moon. The mystic views of the Channel Islands across the sea, fully merged in the last rays from the sun, tainted in pinkish gold. And the waves, the waves. I can still hear it. The sounds of the waves, and the reflections from the waves. It was truly therapeutic and cathartic. It was poetic. We were walking on the beach, along the coastline and sometimes up and down the sand dunes. of course with my bare foot, of course. J came and showed me a wooden stick which drifted over to the beach.

“lulu will like it“, she said, “I will play it with lulu.“

On the same night before I went to bed, I transferred the photos from my camera memory card to my cloud drive like I usually did. But quite unexpectedly, I never manage to even look at those photos once for months, until today, this very day of May 14, 2023.

Those photos were taken one night before the life of lulu was taken from us on Monday, Jan 23. The night we had at Hollywood Beach, Oxnard became a forever reminder of what was going to happen one day after.

It is hard to find an angle to proceed with this post, with all the resurfacing heaviness and hollowness in mind. Nevertheless, I am glad that at the very least, I am brave enough to once again face towards the hard moments, either heartbreaking or desperate.

Today, I asked Ben what was the wisest thing his dad has ever said to him? He paused and then told me:

“To never make the same mistake twice.“

and then a few moments later Ben added:

“But never be afraid to make the mistakes.“

If I apply his dad’s message here, that would be telling myself that I sure as hell should not take things for granted now.